Children in Church
Dear Parents,
I was looking through several articles about guidelines for children in the Orthodox parish in order to share them as a way to educate and support our own community. However, each parish is a unique family, just like all of your families are unique, and will run in a way that works best for each of you. There are no universal teachings on what “hard rules” must be followed. However, there are certainly some common guidelines that all families should follow to have a peaceful life together. The parish is no different.
In our own parish, there was a time when I first arrived where the only children in the parish were my own. Today, God has blessed our parish since then, and we have many more children, for which I thank God. This reflects not only our growth but the future of our parish. With this blessing, we have always attempted to have a child-friendly attitude towards having the whole parish worship together. Indeed, we baptize infants and offer communion to infants, so the presence of children in church worship is expected, as they are fully members of the body of Christ, the Church.
If we are going to have a community where children are full participants, it will take patience on the part of the parents as well as the entire community. However, we should do this with the expectation, as the Apostle Paul taught, that “all things be done decently and in order.”
So here is some advice and guidelines we should all attempt to keep. I have compiled some wisdom from other priests, and I pray this is helpful. I ask your understanding for feeling the need to compile it.
1. PREPARATION: Speak to your children about church as often as possible, especially with the smaller ones. Explain to them what we do and how important it is. Parents, it is on you to bring them up in the Church, or not. Live out the Church in your home. Read to them the lives of the saints and teach them to pray. The most important thing is praying with them in front of the icons each day without distractions. This teaches them at home a proper respect for prayer and holy items. It will also help them understand that when we go to Church, we come to pray, not play. Every night before bed, light a candle in front of an icon, turn down the lights, and say the Trisagion Prayers and the Our Father together as a family. If the children are a bit antsy because this is a new routine, pick them up and try to focus their attention on the icon. The more consistent you are with these practices, the easier it will get at home, and the better your children will be at experiencing the Divine Liturgy on Sundays!
2. TOYS: Speaking of coming to pray, not play — there is a time and place for everything, and Orthodox worship is not for games. Toys are not allowed in Orthodox churches, especially if they cause noise. If your child needs a distraction during the service, then bring coloring books (even better, bring coloring books with church images), or other books, soft toys, etc. Please, however, no Legos, toy cars, electronic games, tablets, etc.
3. FOOD: Please do not feed your children in church. If your child must be fed, then please step outside into the narthex, the children’s cry room, or the church hall. This is an ancient practice and of great importance: in church, one eats and drinks only what is blessed — what the Church provides. Also, please remember that children should start fasting before communion after the age of 7, though I know many children who do this from an even earlier age.
4. NOISE: Children make noise. Most of the time these noises are perfectly harmless and don’t distract anyone. But sometimes they cry, and this can make you feel embarrassed, especially if your child is throwing a tantrum and starts to distract other worshipers. If your child becomes upset, try walking around throughout the temple with them. This works quite well with children between six to eighteen months old, and even those approaching three and four years old. However, sometimes this goes beyond a little noise, and in those cases you should not hesitate to take them out immediately. Sadly, our cry room is not soundproof, so loud tantrums will need to move to the hall or outside until the child is able to settle down. Use this time to gently but directly correct and remind them of what the behavioral expectations are in a holy place like the Church. It is fine to be gentle and calm in our parenting style, but children need to know boundaries early on.
Please be mindful that this is especially important at certain times where there should be complete silence, such as during the Scripture readings, the Anaphora, and the Sermon.
5. DON’T RUN: Running is not only disruptive but potentially dangerous. Trips, falls, and spills are likely to happen, not only to the kids but to the adults. Everyone has a duty to catch a fleeing child and help remind them that running is not acceptable.
6. SACRIFICE: A parent might think that doing all of the above will take away from one’s own worship time — and it will. That’s the price of parenting. If a parent is unwilling to sacrifice to help a child learn to pray, what does that really say about the parent? Children cannot be raised effectively, much less piously, unless sacrifice sets the tone of the relationship at home and then in worship. In other words, you might have to spend more time outside of the Liturgy than inside for a while, but you will undoubtedly be praying with your feet!
7. IT TAKES A VILLAGE: Keeping a church child-friendly is always a two-way street. Respect and admiration for parents who are struggling — yes, struggling — to raise their children in a God-pleasing way is essential. Our Lord Jesus Christ went so far as to admonish His disciples for their attitudes toward children. He had been preaching the Kingdom to throngs on the sea coast of Galilee. He was tired, and although the Apostles sought to protect His rest, He encouraged them to bring young children to Him for a blessing. Jesus said: “Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 19:14). For this to happen, it takes patience and understanding on everyone’s part. It takes perseverance on the part of all parishioners. Everyone must help as they are able, whether that is lending a hand to an exasperated mother, instructing a child, or patiently bearing the burdens of one another.
With love in Christ,
Fr. Michael Lillie
https://www.stgeorgetx.org/parentsofchildren
https://holytrinity-oca.org/from-the-rectors-desk/being-a-child-friendly-parish/